Eighteen

A few days ago, one of my best friends posted a list titled "17 things I learned at 17" on twitter. I loved it and, in light of turning 18 last weekend, I decided that I wanted to share some of the most important lessons I've learned in my life thus far. I want to talk about them in depth so there will be less than 17. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Don't Be Afraid to Laugh at Yourself

In case no one had ever told you: you're not perfect. But before you go running to the bathroom to cry let me tell you that it's okay. You may not be perfect, but neither am I or anyone else you will ever meet. We make mistakes and that's why we're human. Don't be afraid to embrace those mistakes. You're going to embarrass yourself and you're going to do things that you'll look back on later and thing, "Why the hell did I do that?!" You're going to wish that someone had stopped you from humiliating yourself, but guess what? You did. And believe it or not it's okay! You're going to trip up the stairs. You're going to choke in front of your crush. And you're going to collect recyclables in plastic bags only to have the bag leak soda all over the school hallway because people don't know that you're supposed to finish your drink BEFORE you recycle it (okay, so maybe this only happened to me and Arianna, but I think you get my point). My point is that, as much as we wish we could, none of us can time travel. You can't unembarrass yourself. So instead of being humiliated, learn to find the humor in your flaws. EMBRACE THEM! Self-deprecating jokes will make you feel better and they're always funny. Life is too short to throw as many pity parties as you would need to "make up" for all of your public humiliation.

2. The World Doesn't Revolve Around You

In fifth grade, I had this teacher named Mrs. Squires. She was really tall, really strict, and never said good morning back to anyone. She wasn't affectionate at all for an elementary school teacher and she had no problem telling things how they are. I remember one day waiting in line to have my classwork checked. She was already checking someone's work when I addressed her the first time. She ignored me and, after the second time, I thought maybe she just was hard of hearing. I addressed her a third time and her eyes shot up. "The world doesn't revolve around you, you know!" She went back to her work and I went back to my desk terrified. That moment has stuck with me and I know it will forever and I'm so glad she yelled that to me. We want to believe that the sun rises and sets for us and that the stars come out at night just to impress us. But they don't. And that's okay. We need to learn that it is important to put others before ourselves because there are people in this world who are worse off than us, happier than us, lonelier than us. In the words of Evan Walker from The 5th Wave, "I wasn't fully human until I saw myself in your eyes." To be understood and empathized with, to be truly "seen," is a beautiful thing. Without empathy, we are stripped of our humanity. Don't dehumanize yourself. Learn to see outside of yourself.

3. Don't Put Anyone on a Pedestal

In the words of John Green, "What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person." We all know what this is like and if you claim that you don't then you've ever never met anyone like this or you're straight up lying. You meet someone and you think they're the coolest person you've ever met and suddenly everything they do is the greatest thing that's ever been done. Then, suddenly, they let you down and you go into this downward spiral and you just think, "Why did I ever trust them??" For this, I just have to go back to my favorite quote. "People, I have discovered, are layers and layers of secrets. You believe you know them, that you understand them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes you decide to trust them." If you take the time to think about it, how well do you really know yourself? You don't even know everything about your own family; just think of all the times you learn something new about your mom. And you've known her for your entire life! We're constantly growing and changing and thinking. We're always different. And, more than anything, we aren't perfect. It's not about whether or not someone lets you down; it's about how you deal with that disappointment. Pick your head up and keep moving.

4. Respect Yourself! Love Yourself

Since no one else seems to be saying it, I have no problem being the one to. I've seen so many people on social media and in real life calling themselves ugly and moping around because they don't think they're cool enough or pretty enough or smart enough. You were created the way that you are because you were put on this earth for a purpose. You were meant to use the gifts that God gave you to impact every single person in your life, whether you know you have or not. Don't devalue yourself. Don't lower your standards. Don't disrespect yourself just to "fit in" or whatever you're trying to do. Be yourself. If you don't love yourself, respect yourself, or value yourself, then you're not just hurting yourself but you're hurting the people around you because you end up treating others the way you treat yourself. Appreciate the person you were made to be. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others.

I guess on an ending note I just want to say that you can't control how other people act or feel, but you can control how you act and feel. I don't want you to think I'm saying that it's never okay to feel sad or look up to someone or be embarrassed. No. It's important to feel your emotions and go through rough times so that you can come out of them stronger. But you need to remember that it's not okay to be trapped in your feelings. You are strong. You can change and grow if you really want to. And remember, I love you all!