6 Lessons from 2016

Readers, can you believe it's New Year's Eve? I can't.

It seems like only yesterday that my friend group and I were hanging out at Raquel's New Years party watching One Direction perform some of our favorite songs (and screaming at Harry Styles for wearing a bolo tie... I mean, really). Besides the very exciting event of my high school graduation, 2016 held a lot of firsts for me. First year of college, first time driving on my own, first time in Europe, first job, first real relationship. As my last post of the year, I've decided to leave you some of the lessons I've learned, ones I hope you and I can carry with us into 2017.

1. Kick Your Comfort Zone to the Curb

I cannot count how many times I used to avoid talking to people because I was afraid they would dislike me or how many times I didn't do something because I was afraid I'd fail in some capacity. Unlike my fav literary gal, Tris Prior, I let fear shut me down. College was a chance to reinvent myself, to be the person I've always wanted to be. That's why I applied to be an intern on one of the Associated Student commissions. It was something that sounded interesting and it was a good opportunity. The little voice in my head said, "But there will probably be hundreds of kids applying for this position, too. You probably won't get it." And then an even louder voice said, "But what if you do?" During the latter part of this year, I've learned to ask positive, "What if?" questions to myself and provide those questions with answers by taking action. They have turned out to be some of the most positive experiences I've had. Do yourself a favor. Do the thing you think you cannot do. Because you can do it and you should. You'll be glad that you did.

2. Vulnerability is Good

I used to think that being strong meant never crying in front of people. I thought it meant keeping your struggles to yourself and finding a way to cope on your own. These statements could not be any farther from the truth. True strength is being able to admit to yourself that you aren't okay and allowing yourself to fall apart when you need to, even if it's not at the most convenient time or in the most convenient place. There are people in your life who love you so much and want to help put you back together again. People want to hold your hand and walk with you down the difficult paths and through the dark days. You have a support system and they will be there for you as long as you let them be there for you. So cry every once in a while. It's okay.

3. Accept the Love You Actually Deserve

I was reading through my poetry from senior year and I had a really terrible realization: I spent a lot of time romanticizing people who hurt me. I won't go into particulars, but it had left me wondering a lot of things throughout the former half of the year. Did I have something invisible written on my forehead? Did I find some sick joy in painful pursuits? It wasn't really until I read and considered one of Rupi Kaur's poems in Milk and Honey, the most eyeopening book I have ever read and highly recommend, that I began to understand. "how you love yourself is / how you teach others / to love you," (Kaur, 186). I didn't realize it right away, but, after thinking about that piece over and over, I was brought to an important point. For a long time, I wasn't in the best frame of mind when it came to how I thought of and viewed myself and, consequently, how I viewed love and being loved in general. I didn't hate myself, but I definitely wasn't at the place that I wanted to be. Things, however, changed when I started college. I made a point to be social. I made a point to be the most honest version of myself without thinking twice about what anyone else had to say. I took advantage of every opportunity that came my way, taking chances and ignoring the possibility of failure. I took matters into my own hands. I empowered myself; I began to thrive. I had gained sight of myself and others did too. Once you are able to see both the gem in others and the gem within yourself, things will take their course. It's a process but it's possible. Just be patient with and kind to yourself. You deserve to be loved and valued not only by others, but, most importantly, by yourself.

4. Confidence is a Choice

In an effort to not tell a long and dreary story, I will try to keep this point on the short and simple side. The way I see it, confidence is a lot like happiness. Just because you are feeling sad one day does not mean that you are a sad person. Harboring and creating positive thoughts and finding silver linings are what make someone a happy person. It's a question of mentality and character, not feeling. Therefore, if you choose to carry yourself like a queen and respect yourself, you will, in time, be a confident person. Does that mean there will still be days that you don't feel confident? Well, sure. We all have our ups and downs. But what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to feel like that forever. So choose to feel good about yourself.

5. Learn to Foster Genuine Friendships

This one is simpler than you think. If someone doesn't ever take the time to check up on you at least once a month or make a reciprocated effort to spend time with/contact you, then guess what? They aren't really your friend. Someone who really loves you will ask you about your experiences, your fears and dreams, your success and failures. They will want to see you and spend time with you. You don't need to have 658 friends (but if you have that many then there's nothing wrong with that either). Just surround yourself with a good group of a few people who genuinely love and support you and want to see and help you succeed in all of your endeavors. They're the only friends you need.

6. Take Action

It is so easy to stay quiet sometimes even when we see something or hear something that doesn't sit well with us. I'm telling you to stop doing that as soon as you can. If something is bothering you, then do something to fix it. You were given a voice. Use it. If you don't agree with something someone said, then don't be rude. Just explain your view. Everyone can agree that, as human beings, we all want to be understood. As long as you are being respectful, there is absolutely nothing wrong about speaking out about your beliefs. And stand up for yourself. Stand up for your neighbor. Everyone has the right to feel safe and comfortable in whatever space they're occupying. All of us have the capacity to do something good. Be the change, dammit. Be the change for something positive.

I hope 2017 is filled with happiness and opportunities and that you have a fun and safe night tonight wherever you are. See you in the new year!

All my love,

Sasha